Merchandise!!!!!

Welcome to the Merch Table. Please Don't Judge Us.

Somewhere between mile 18 of my first marathon and the bottom of a very large post-race burrito, I became an "athlete." I use that term loosely. I was a non-athlete well into my thirties — the kind of guy who thought a long walk to the parking lot counted as cardio.

And yet. Here we are.

The first piece of Serious Dad Bod merch is a hat. And on that hat is a patch that I'm pretty sure is the most accurate self-portrait ever embroidered. Sunglasses. Sunset. Trees. A gut that has logged actual miles. A cold drink that was absolutely earned. The words Built by Time arched across the top like a badge of honor — because that's exactly what this is.

Nobody handed me fitness. I didn't grow up an athlete. I just kept showing up, year after year, until the training quietly rebuilt me into something I don't fully recognize but genuinely respect. The dad bod didn't disappear. It just got serious.

This hat is for anyone who came to endurance sport late, who does it imperfectly, and who wouldn't trade a single ridiculous early morning for anything. Wear it to your next race. Wear it to the grocery store at 6am still in your kit. Wear it proudly.

Estd. 2024. Built by time. Still a work in progress.